How to single well.

I wanted to share the story of how I overcame the greatest temptation I have faced to date…my ex Patrick. You will probably relate at some point or another in my story if you too, like me, awakened love before it was time.

Patrick (pictured above in my apartment in downtown Asheville) was the only real boyfriend I’ve ever had. We met at the McDonald’s drive thru on Merrimon Ave in Asheville when I worked there around the age of 17. He pulled up to my window in his Blazer and with all boldness gave me his number immediately. That’s what I always loved about him…his boldness. The first time we hung out, he told me he loved me.

We dated for four years before I was saved and I have never had a boyfriend since then. This day pictured here was the only day I ever took pictures of him (pre-iPhone days)…it was on this day he said we should get married. We never did, but I was sold out on him. Utterly obsessed. He is still to date the only guy who ever told me he loved me and the only guy I ever told that I loved. Patrick was my whole world.

Until I met Jesus.

After I got saved October 31st, 2000 (Reformation Day), I knew I couldn’t have any contact with Patrick. It was like the Lord was telling me “Patrick is the only human on earth that you can’t connect with or try to evangelize to.”

So I didn’t see him again. I would dream about him all through the years. I had prayed off and cut off in prayer everything related to Patrick that I could think of, but I believe I was living in the consequences of awakening love before it’s time. Sin has real consequences.

In 2005 (after being saved five years), I was on an all 50 state mission trip and thought it would be a good idea to send Patrick a letter and ask for forgiveness for all that we did and tell him I have since been saved. I had sought counsel before sending the letter and they agreed it was a good idea to write him. But in all actuality, I opened a can of worms that didn’t need to be opened. I had to try too hard to get his address…that probably was the first wall of protection God was trying to put up.

Being tempted hard core doesn’t just have one instance where you arrive at stupid. It’s a lot of bread crumbs leading up to that. We have to watch the little things we allow to slip in. Here is a record of the little things:

It all started on March 7th, 2005 when I had a dream of Patrick that I was trying to find him. I was with people from the mission trip I was on. In the dream, I ask for forgiveness for all that happened between us. The last dream I had of Patrick prior to this one, Patrick was saved in the dream.

So from that dream, I concluded I needed to find him. I looked up on the internet to see if I could get his address. (i.e. wrong dream interpretation)

March 9th, 2005 (thankfully I have journaled on every day since 2001, so I can look back on any given day and see what I was doing) I talked to my small group in my mission’s team about this. We were discussing “What are things you need to leave behind?” I told them I needed to get rid of my CD’s (I guess I still had some R&B/rap music that wasn’t glorifying to God) and I needed to leave behind the idea of contacting Patrick.

The small group agreed on the CD’s so I didn’t just throw them away, I broke them. However, they felt it was a good idea to contact Patrick. Fam. Sometimes people mean well, but you KNOW what is beneficial. It’s hard because in temptation, you don’t see straight. And you really need your brothers and sisters to speak the truth. At that point, they were trying their best.

So from that small group, I sought out a way to get his address. I wrote in my journal “that feels like such a closure that I needed.” I also wrote “One thing I have learned is that the happiest I ever am is when I know my heart is pure before You.” I felt it was good at this point. I had convinced myself that contacting the one person I couldn’t contact ever was “the closure I needed.”

March 10th, 2005 I wrote the letter to Patrick. You see, the beginnings of being tempted don’t just start with one thing. It’s usually a lot of small yeses fueled by the lure of satan. I had my small group leader read over the letter and she edited a lot out. Mailed it to Patrick the next day, March 11th, 2005.

March 12th, 2005, I started a fast for a more consecrated life. The fire was refining me.

The Lord spoke to me on March 15, 2005 “I am your rear guard and I go before you….I am your light…Your strength in times of trouble. I love you Teresa. In My time, I will give you a family. Now I desire all of you. Be free.”

Patrick responded on email in March 19, 2005 giving me a better address to reach him at and a number saying he hoped to hear from me soon. I wrote in my journal how it felt like closure but also how it felt like an opening and how I needed God desperately to help me not be tempted. March 21st, I wrote that I was struggling with thoughts of him. I wanted so bad to hear how he was, but I knew how dangerous and non-beneficial that would be.

On March 22, 2005, I wrote a letter back to Patrick that was short, sweet and to the point. I concluded that though I wanted to talk to him, it was a gate I didn’t want to open and assured myself that God would fight for me. I sent the letter on March 23rd, 2005.

April 20th, 2005 I had a dream that I was coming into Asheville and I saw Patrick. I gave him a big hug in the dream. I wrote in my journal “I wasn’t even thinking of him and these dreams continue.” I just prayed for him that morning. April 22nd, I had another dream of him. This, my friends, is the can of worms that got opened.

On April 30th, 2005 I had a dream that some girl told me Patrick had completed a Discipleship Training School. In the dream, I was going to visit Patrick’s Dad, Cecil, in the hospital.

May 24th, 2005 I had a dream where I was shot in the neck twice, but the ER said nothing was wrong with me. (Y’all please write down your dreams and review them. God is speaking.) Now, I can look back and see God was warning me over and over in my dreams. Satan was coming for the jugular and no one had concluded anything was wrong.

God spoke to me that day when I was asking about the dream interpretation “I have fought for you. You walked away healed and you will always walk away healed. If you seek Me, you will find Me. Do away with all distractions that would hinder our relationship. The distractions are similar to the effects of the attacks on your neck.”

May 30th, 2005 I had a dream I was being chased by a man that was trying to kill me. He had a gun and I had a gun. When I tried to shoot him in the head, nothing happened because my gun wasn’t loaded. So I prayed in the dream for Jesus to bring bullets in the gun. Someone gave me some lesser form of a bullet and it set the man’s head on fire after I shot, but it healed instantly. I left a blank for dream interpretation like I usually did in my journal, but never wrote out what the interpretation was. I would discover this interpretation soon looking back in hindsight.

the enemy only comes to steal, kill and destroy

On June 7th, 2005 I came home to Asheville for a week break from the year long 50 state mission trip and guess who I see after not seeing for five years walking in downtown Asheville? Of course, Patrick. And this time it wasn’t a dream. It was real life.

He was walking into a shop as I drove past, so I rounded the block several times (once again trying too hard) until he came out and pulled up to him and said his full name out the window. He just looked at me, I think he was trying to recognize who I was. He asked me to get out and give him a hug. And I did. (Exactly how it happened in my dream April 20th…just a month and a half prior to being reality.) We talked and laughed together.

He told me my face was different. (he had never seen TT with the indwelling Holy Spirit when we dated.) Then said “Dang gurl, you looking good! You married yet? Maybe I am your husband.”

He took my hand and looked me in the eyes and said it was good to see me and said “God bless you.” He gave me his number and said he’d like to get together to catch up while I was home. I immediately took it to the Lord and asked Him to guard my heart.

On June 8th, I wrote in my journal “I am distracted a lot today with thinking about Patrick and just wanting to see him and hang out. I haven’t called him and just praying to see if that is something that would help or hinder.“

that would help or hinder

June 9th, I was praying all day about Patrick and heard the Lord say “Don’t be distracted by Patrick.” Then after that, I journaled that I was praying if I should call him or not. I felt more of a hesitancy than a yes. But at 4pm that day I caved and called.

Thankfully he didn’t answer.

I struggled so much with wanting to see him. I thought, his mom died while we dated and now my sister has died since we broke up…and I wanna tell him about it. Y’ALL. You do weird things in grief….period. 2005 was the year after my 19 year old sister died. Satan would have loved for me to take the bait.

That same night, I was going to see Ronda, my mentor of two years at that point. (and still to this day 20 years later…praise God) She told me not to contact him and said “Teresa, you don’t know what is in your heart and what you are capable of.” And I listened to her and never called Patrick.

I still thank her to this day for that. It was OBVIOUS to not contact your ex…but when something is tempting, the lure can be stronger than common sense.

I believe that was a fork in the road where TT woulda caved and who knows what it could have led to. I haven’t as much as held a guy’s hand or dated at all in 23 years since I have been saved, but if I had met with Patrick that trip home, I’m not sure where I would be today.

So we had zero contact.

The next day, after meeting with Ronda, I wrote in my journal: “I thought about Patrick today. In a way I really wanted to hear from him. It’s like I know I don’t want to be with him. Jesus, I know you will continue to guard my heart. May I not set up my own trap. Keep my mind pure Lord! It’s time like this when I can see how easy it would be to fall from You. Times like this when I see the enemy’s plan. We are weak and have to cling to the Lord in every area and when we stand take heed lest we fall. I am aware now of how close I can be to being a wanderer from You for my own fleshly desires. The place I was in, I was capable of anything. It’s like Ronda said ‘You never know what sin is in your heart.’ It’s true until you’re faced with it. When I saw Patrick I was immediately attracted to his charming way and the things he said.”

I was desperate for God.

I love the verse that says “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Matt 5:3) We are spiritually bankrupt before God. Broke. Got nothing. We must be utterly dependent on Him…and if we choose to lean into Him and not our flesh, we win.

At this point in the blog, you may be like “TT, I know EXACTLY what you went through. I have struggled too with exes.” Or you could be like “Dang, TT, you were caught UP!” And you can’t relate at all. That’s okay. All of us have the things that lure us. You can fill in the blank for the traps satan sets up for you. It could be fame, money, porn, masturbation, sexual immorality, corruption, drugs, alcohol, lying, pride

…you name it.

I returned back to the mission trip I was on and kept dreaming of Patrick. I was so frustrated that I was still having dreams, but I set my face towards Jesus and kept pressing in.

September 8th, 2005 on the this 50 state mission trip, I landed in Kona Hawaii for the first time. I wrote in my journal “You have given me life and an abundant life.” We went to the YWAM Kona base and had worship, prayer and gave to Hurricane Katrina efforts. I also wrote “So pumped Lord! You have given me JOY, inexpressible Lord, Your joy. This trip to Hawaii has been so rich. I look forward to more.”

Four years later on November 20, 2009, Patrick sent me a friend request on Facebook that I immediately knew was satan’s tactic. No question about it. And I didn’t accept his request though the lure was still there to do it.

Jesus faced every temptation yet didn’t sin. I believe we will always be temped, but we have a choice every day to give in or take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I chose to make it obedient to Christ.

June 17, 2011….at least 11 years after we broke up, Patrick wrote me on Facebook messenger “I’m so amazed with you…You look just like a beautiful happy angel…” I had to pray pray. It was so tempting to want to respond. And yet I didn’t give in and didn’t respond to his message.

All these years, I kept having dreams of Patrick. I would be sharing the gospel with him in the dreams. Going to see him in the dreams. I wouldn’t think of him at all during the day or in my conscience mind, but the dreams still came. So I would pray for his salvation. Even asked one of my guy friends to try to find Patrick to witness to him. He never found him.

September 30, 2018 Patrick liked one of my posts on Facebook from that past July. I wrote in my journal that I prayed for his salvation. Now, at least 18 years since we broke up and the Lord had to lead me through a whole long reflection in my quiet time on Patrick and I’s relationship. God spoke so much truth into me. He was so specific to do this…there was a closure coming that I had no idea about.

Patrick and I had become one in our relationship. We weren’t married but lived like we were. In the Bible, when someone “knew” their spouse to be, that was a sign of the initial starting point of marriage. And only death would separate that connection.

Little did I know, Patrick reaching out that day was only days before he would die from congestive heart failure on October 12, 2018….at the age of 45. (He was 7 years older than me.)

Fast-forward…I was in Greece, November 28, 2023, so about a month ago in my quiet time, that I heard the Lord say “Look up Patrick, his last name and obituary.” So I obeyed. Now up to this point, I don’t think of Patrick. Of course, he is usually brought up when I share my testimony as he was a big part of TT B.C. And I tell the story to the people I disciple of seeing him in 2005, as a way to encourage people to not give into temptation.

So I look up on the internet what God spoke and I was SHOCKED to see that Patrick died on October 12, 2018. It was like my heart sunk even after all these years.

Then I read on the obituary that Patrick was a member of a church! WHA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? It was sadness and joy all within a few bewildered minutes in my quiet time.

So I contacted the pastor of the church and he told me Patrick was saved and baptized in 2015!!!! After all these years of praying for him and he got saved!

YOU GUYS! JESUS HAS YOUR EXES. YOU DON’T NEED TO WITNESS TO THEM.

And I’m so thankful I never found out he got saved in 2015, because I would have been tempted to immediatley start dating him again. It’s God and His wisdom and timing to tell me on a “random” day in Greece five years later after he died.

After finding out Patrick died, I reached out to one of his best friends (that I wouldn’t have dared to reach out to while he was still alive) and heard more of the latter years of his life.

This friend said I was one of the first people he thought of to contact when Patrick died but he didn’t know how to get a hold of me.

He said Patrick loved me and missed me especially when he knew I was gone gone out of his life. He said Patrick had a hard time with that. “For a long time after you were gone, he really missed you. He had a really hard time once you were gone permanently and he knew he wasn’t gonna be able to get you back. There is no way you would have ever known that, but he did have a struggle with that. He would just say throughout the years ‘I wonder how Teresa is doing and what she is doing’.”

That’s my story about my ex Patrick that I never talked about publicly while he was alive. I didn’t share because it would have been too easy for it to get back to him and cause a potential connection again that I couldn’t handle. Plus, as long as he was alive, there was always the possibility of me being tempted.

But if I could encourage you higher than just overcoming, don’t awaken love until it’s time. There is a long line of consequences that your heart can’t handle if you choose to open that door before it’s time.

December 31st, 2022 so reflecting on the year…the Lord spoke to me “You have something to impart to the next generation about singleness. To know Me as a husband. They just need to hear it’s possible. How to renew your mind from compromise.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the moral of this story is God’s got your ex’s. He’s got the people lined up to witness to them. You aren’t strong enough to do this well. The Lord’s voice and your mentor’s voices are desperately needed when your mind gets tempted. You can’t think or hear straight.

To single well, you must resist temptation.

I could talk about a lot of other things you could do to single well, but I think in light of the recent news with major key highly respected apologetic/prayer movement leaders falling into sexual sin in the last few years, it’s enough to just labor in this one area.

To single well, you have to say a lot of no’s. With temptation, I play it out in my head. Like A would lead to B would lead to C. I think past immediate pleasure. And that helps.

As you can see in my story, God warned me in so many dreams. He longs to protect us from the traps of satan. But we have to heed His warnings.

Thankfully this is a story of overcoming temptation, but I am no fool to think that I won’t be tempted throughout my whole life. Satan waited until the next opportunity came to tempt JESUS (Luke 4:13), so he is for sure not relenting on TT. We must stay close to Jesus and stay humble, utterly dependent on Him to make it through victorious.

I try to get God’s heart on sin and truly hate it. This is the fear of the Lord. When I hear of these key leaders in the body of Christ falling, I am never shocked. It’s doesn’t lead me to judge them. It leads me immediately to my knees in my heart posture. My prayer, in addition to being deeply affected and grieved over these men’s decisions, is “keep me close to You Jesus.” It’s like the first words that come out of my mouth.

I faced a fork in the road, literally, on the streets of Asheville in 2005 that had potential to change the trajectory of my life.

Most of my single 23 years, I have LOVED being single. I thrive in singleness. I don’t feel desperate or feel like I need a man to complete me. Jesus is my life. He’s my everything. For a long time, I didn’t want to be married. God had to convince me that marriage was something He wanted in my life and that ministry would be better as a result. So, though I relate to Paul the most, in the Bible, I don’t think I am called to singleness.

But I am called to single well.

Dear Patrick,

This is my last letter to you.

You were my first love.

We made a lot of bad choices together. We both didn’t know what abundant life was yet.

But now we both know.

So thankful you got saved and baptized. I prayed for that for years. We are both forever changed. We aren’t the same people. If I could see you now, I would say your face looks different too.

We now know our for real First Love. You went to see Him sooner than I did.

I am so thankful I never gave in.

He is worthy and He is worth it,

Teresa a.k.a “shawty” (as you nicknamed me)